Of course you do that right? Every parent does that. You will ask me, is there anything wrong in that?
No, there is nothing wrong in it but correct way of praising is important.
Now, what is correct way of praising a child?
During pandemic most of us are working from home. Imagine you are busy in your work and you are really into it. Suddenly your child comes to you asking how is this?
He has drawn something on a sheet of paper on his own and really excited to show it to you.
You are really busy in your work and the child keeps asking, tell me dad how is this or tell me mom how is this. Look here mom please.
You have to look at your child and give him/her an answer. You turn your face for a second and say…
Every day we hear all sorts of questions from our kids like how is my drawing mama? Isn’t it beautiful? See How well I have drawn this picture? How did I do It?
Yes, all sorts of 1000s of questions, which must be answered.
Please be ready I am going to b quiet straight forward here.
You would say. Nice. Good job.
Isn’t it? I guess I heard a yes or may be it’s my inner voice.
See We all love our children , we praise them, we appreciate them just to see that beautiful smile on their faces.
I know what you must be thinking, what’s the problem in appreciating our own children ?
There is no problem in that, but I feel, good job is a very lazy Praise or I Would say it’s a bad praise.
Come on, we are in 2021 guys, kids are smarter than us. They don’t just want to hear a good job from us, they already know about it. When we say good job we feel that we are boosting up their self-esteem. Well, because we are not specifically telling them what is so good in that job that they have done.
They will never get to know what is it that they have to do in order to hear a good job again from us in future.
Confused? Let me simplify it for u.
Next time your child wins the cricket match, please don’t say a good job. Just tell him, you did wonderful fielding.
If your child shows a certain drawing, then tell him, how well he has done the coloring in it.
Be specific. And if you still want to be lazy, then make sure you at least say, “great efforts my dear” Because by saying great efforts you are conveying a message that they have taken a step towards trying and putting efforts.
A lot of research has been done in child psychology. By reading some of the beautiful work I have understood, appreciation should be avoided in areas where a child has no control like God-gifted aspects – beauty, intelligence, and being artistic.
Rather, we should praise them for their generosity, efforts, compassion, respect for others, love, focus, discipline, quick decision-making, and not being lazy.
For example, next time tell them, you were so focused when you were playing this game or putting a lot of effort into keeping your things organized. Or maybe, you were so generous for sharing toys with your sister.
There is one more way to praise your child.
Ask them how did they feel after doing certain work. Allow them to decide for themselves how do they feel about their accomplishments. Let them reward themselves.
Please delete the words, “good job” from your vocabulary. And when next time you praise your child explaining what good they have done then you can actually feel proud of yourself, pat your back, and say to yourself … what? Good Job.
Please try this technique next time.
Don’t praise your child for the work they have done, rather, praise their efforts in doing that work.
Father’s Day is when we can reflect on the male role models in our lives and appreciate the lessons learned from their input. Gifts and cards are often given in recognition of the importance of that paternal role.
But these days many homes are single-parent families. Fathers may be seen only occasionally. Step-fathers, grandfathers, uncles, neighbors, teachers can all provide valuable guidance. They teach much about those predominately male traits and characteristics.
If a child’s father, their first significant male role model, falls short it can be tough for a child to process. They may become defensive or shut off emotionally, as a means of protecting themselves from further hurt and disappointment.
may feel compelled to continually strive to do better.
Constantly working harder and harder,
even react against the situation
becoming rebellious and defiant
giving the appearance of not caring, but constantly demanding attention nonetheless.
– As a single mother
it’s important to try to avoid sharing negative views and experiences of your ex. Stop coloring your child’s perspective of their father. It may have been a difficult breakup, leaving you feeling hurt, but those emotions are specific to your relationship with your ex-partner. Your joint children deserve to have the best of both of you and have each parent still in their lives as positive a way as possible.
Far better to encourage children to keep in touch with their father, resulting in a happier outcome for all in the longterm. A single mother may feel aggrieved that he’s in a position where he can bribe and buy the children’s affections with lavish gifts and treats, which they gleefully accept! Why wouldn’t they? But children are more insightful than perhaps we give them credit for. They usually know and appreciate the emotional and financial struggles that their mother has, the effort it takes simply to put food on the table each day.
Keep their relationship alive with their father and even if a more ‘wholesome’ male role model is in their lives, an understanding grandfather, uncle, mentor, accept that a child’s dad occupies a unique position for them.
As a separated father
it’s important not to exacerbate a situation if it’s already fragile or acrimonious. The children are the innocents in this and if they behave badly or play up, accept that it may take time for them to settle and readjust. Try to ensure ongoing liaison with their mother, respect agreed on decisions, keep civil channels of communication open, and do your best to avoid reacting to points of contention.
Let’s reflect on the qualities that are important in a father:
– Physical strength
provides reassurance to children, who value their father as a guardian, protector, someone who’s healthy and physically fit. They feel safe and secure when they know he’s strong enough to stand up for them and the family.
– Moral values
matter. Children expect to see their father do ‘the right thing’, have principles, and be fair. Admiring and respecting their father for his integrity, honesty and guidance teach them about having standards and respect for the law and for others.
– Men are increasingly comfortable about expressing their feelings,
showing how much they love and care for their wife and children. Nowadays it’s more acceptable to talk about issues and problems, to discuss how to cope and manage stress. Being able to hug, show love and affection is important. The days of the strong, silent man are fading. Children need to see and learn from their significant male role model how to discuss, compromise and resolve problems satisfactorily.
– Family values
are learned when they see their father enjoy spending time with them, treating it as a priority, important to him. Children are sensitive to non-verbal cues, sensing disinterest, rejection and mixed messages in a variety of ways. They also notice how he treats their mother and other family members, separated or not. Family values are learned from witnessing relationships at home.
– Respect for others
is another important lesson. How a father treats other road users, staff, in restaurants and shops, how he addresses the people he meets. Is he deferential, submissive, arrogant, assertive, or pleasant? Good manners, consideration, and appropriate communication styles are important in building positive, successful relationships with others.
– Does father have a good work ethic?
Being conscientious, fair, and diligent, enjoying his work choices, doing a good job, and finding satisfaction from his efforts all demonstrate a sense of responsibility. Does he respect and care for money, treat the property well, express gratitude and appreciation for what he has whilst having fun and treats? All traits a child will hopefully witness and learn from a father.
Or Sundays can be a time to reflect on things we’d have done differently too. Fathers are the role models. Many people have memories of less than satisfactory experiences with their father, perhaps witnessing his relationship with work, money, success, areas where they feel he needed to have a better approach. They’ll aim to avoid repeating mistakes that were made with them. After all, we all want to be the best we can be when we come to parent our own children.