No, I did not mean COVID positive. I know this pandemic has changed the meaning of being positive.
I am going to share 8 simple techniques to maintain positive discipline with kids.
But before knowing the positive parenting tips we should answer one question.
What is bad parenting? What is negative parenting?
To read about it in detail you should visit my blog often as I keep posting about such topics.
To start today’s post I would like to share a simple observation where we keep branding our child with different names per se you are a naughty child, you are a bad child.
Don’t brand your child with these negative names. It puts really a negative impact on the child’s brain.
So, what should we do to bring positive discipline into our lives?
Here is a mini parenting guide for you that brings light to Positive Parenting Techniques.
Appreciate: We need a lot of positive behavior around us. Who does not like appreciation? Even if we are adults, we love to hear appreciating words or some kind of recognition. So is with the kids, our kids love appreciation when they achieve something. It is their first time to experience something so please try to avoid small mistakes. Don’t discourage or scold them for small mistakes rather we should appreciate them for their smallest of efforts. This will give them courage and motivate them to try new things.
Treat the Cause: It is so natural that we directly jump to the consequence or the result. But with kids, we should always try to find out the root cause. For example, if the kid is clinging to us and not leaving us at all, sometimes we even look for those peaceful 5 minutes which we eventually find in our washrooms. Have we ever thought of the cause for it? When I talked to myself about finding the cause I found that I have been busy at my work the whole day and could not give time to my little one. Find out the reason and try to solve the root problem. Instead of yelling you need to dig in deep and find the cause.
Kids Love rewards: Even a simple star cutout or a smiley face sticker counts for your young ones. Achievements need to be recognized. Hard work pays off. Good behavior also needs to be rewarded. I know it can add a little work to your already exhausting schedule but this is creating a positive environment around you. Your kid has tried out something new and wants to be rewarded. There’s no harm if rewards bring joy and positivity. Once rewarded your child will try to achieve more and next time you can raise the bar.
Remove Shame from making Mistakes: When we do something wrong, we gain something – Experience. So is with kids, don’t yell or laugh at their small mistakes. Especially the first mistakes. If we make fun of them for doing mistakes, they will never try new things ever. To make a mistake positive you can try laughing at your own mistake. If you spill the water (by mistake), smile or laugh at yourself saying “Oops I spilled the water”. Remember, our kids copy us. They do not have to feel shameful about their mistakes, they are learning with each of them.
Before jumping to another set of 4 techniques on Positive Discipline Please watch this video for your recap.
Use Time Out: Every parent has a connection with their kids. There are times when your kid is not happy with you or you are annoyed with them. That is the time for the child and you to go in the “thinking room”. But there has to be a time out. If you both are in your thinking space, remember to talk to your child. It can be 1 hour or even more but there has to be a time out and ensure you talk to your child about how he/she felt? Did it matter to them? They should know that thinking time is going to end and you will be talking to them about what happened. It is not endless.
Mean what you say: It is really important to mean what you say. So, if you say no, stick to it. No, don’t be harsh or rude to them but set your rules and stick to them. You have to be sensitive to their feelings along with making them understand your rules. As I always say kids follow you and they observe you a lot, you have to maintain your discipline first. If you are breaking your own rules, you cannot expect your child to follow them.
Use Positive language: Once you know what is negative language and its impact on your life you will start using positive language and follow the rule. Using positive language is quite simple and impactful. For instance, instead of saying don’t watch TV, you should say switch off the TV. Instead of saying don’t walk barefoot you can easily say wear your footwear and let’s walk. I remember one thing from the book “The Secret” and that stuck to me like the glue that is we attract positivity from the universe if we use positive language or positive behavior.
Take out “Me Time”: This is the most important thing I do and I recommend to all the parents is to take out time for yourself. Being positive always is not easy, being disciplined is not easy. It is something for which we have to come out of our comfort zone. Practicing positive discipline can be really hard, time-consuming, and energy-consuming. We have to train our brains to do something which is not easy. Obviously, yelling and getting things done is easier rather than waiting calmly for our kids to understand things. It has taken all your energy and efforts to be that parent that you want to be. So, you need to give yourself a break for some time. Take out time for yourself, just you. It can be, exercising, your skincare, go out or talk with adults where you do not have to train them or discipline them, sleep, or whatever. Find your me time after a lot of hard work of discipline.
You can watch this video for the complete recap of this post.
Of course you do that right? Every parent does that. You will ask me, is there anything wrong in that?
No, there is nothing wrong in it but correct way of praising is important.
Now, what is correct way of praising a child?
During pandemic most of us are working from home. Imagine you are busy in your work and you are really into it. Suddenly your child comes to you asking how is this?
He has drawn something on a sheet of paper on his own and really excited to show it to you.
You are really busy in your work and the child keeps asking, tell me dad how is this or tell me mom how is this. Look here mom please.
You have to look at your child and give him/her an answer. You turn your face for a second and say…
Every day we hear all sorts of questions from our kids like how is my drawing mama? Isn’t it beautiful? See How well I have drawn this picture? How did I do It?
Yes, all sorts of 1000s of questions, which must be answered.
Please be ready I am going to b quiet straight forward here.
You would say. Nice. Good job.
Isn’t it? I guess I heard a yes or may be it’s my inner voice.
See We all love our children , we praise them, we appreciate them just to see that beautiful smile on their faces.
I know what you must be thinking, what’s the problem in appreciating our own children ?
There is no problem in that, but I feel, good job is a very lazy Praise or I Would say it’s a bad praise.
Come on, we are in 2021 guys, kids are smarter than us. They don’t just want to hear a good job from us, they already know about it. When we say good job we feel that we are boosting up their self-esteem. Well, because we are not specifically telling them what is so good in that job that they have done.
They will never get to know what is it that they have to do in order to hear a good job again from us in future.
Confused? Let me simplify it for u.
Next time your child wins the cricket match, please don’t say a good job. Just tell him, you did wonderful fielding.
If your child shows a certain drawing, then tell him, how well he has done the coloring in it.
Be specific. And if you still want to be lazy, then make sure you at least say, “great efforts my dear” Because by saying great efforts you are conveying a message that they have taken a step towards trying and putting efforts.
A lot of research has been done in child psychology. By reading some of the beautiful work I have understood, appreciation should be avoided in areas where a child has no control like God-gifted aspects – beauty, intelligence, and being artistic.
Rather, we should praise them for their generosity, efforts, compassion, respect for others, love, focus, discipline, quick decision-making, and not being lazy.
For example, next time tell them, you were so focused when you were playing this game or putting a lot of effort into keeping your things organized. Or maybe, you were so generous for sharing toys with your sister.
There is one more way to praise your child.
Ask them how did they feel after doing certain work. Allow them to decide for themselves how do they feel about their accomplishments. Let them reward themselves.
Please delete the words, “good job” from your vocabulary. And when next time you praise your child explaining what good they have done then you can actually feel proud of yourself, pat your back, and say to yourself … what? Good Job.
Please try this technique next time.
Don’t praise your child for the work they have done, rather, praise their efforts in doing that work.
In the picture that’s my lovely daughter Goonj Aeran. She is going to be 6 years very soon.
She turns from a sophisticated princess to a mad monster right in a flick.
Right, when I conceived I started reading and searching every little thing about caring for a child.
I am still reading and learning a lot on how to handle things with her and its a continuous process.
As a mother, I am also 6 years old or 6 years young. There are days when she is really very stubborn and then there are days when she is awesomely sweet and innocent.
I am a mother and one thing I know now is I am raising a human being. Raising her has made me know myself. I know my strengths and I know my weaknesses.
Earlier, I used to think – I very much know what being a parent means.
As a parent, you want to and you do the best for your child.
Whenever I get a chance I make sure to cuddle with her, give her hugs and kisses. But, sometimes I completely use to “lost it” very often and screamed at her, yell at her as a frustrated mom would do.
I have done almost everything right from bribing a candy or chocolate and threatening her in a public place to be a disciplined child.
I pleaded I have ordered, I have tried to control her, I have begged her to sleep when I’m tired of all I wanted was her cooperation.
I really fear those days when none of the above would work. What if she stops respecting me? What if she stops listening to me? What if she might even stop coming back to me. I fear the days when nothing works for me. So how would I raise a capable, positive and successful person?
Then what I started reading, searching, and gathering information. And during this search, I came across small bits of information and theories that suggested there is a LOT I have been missing out on. There is a LOT more to parenting I know. These theories, articles, case studies present the idea that parenting is not to take control over your child’s life, creating a bond with them will be a lot more helpful.
Most of the schools that practice this thought process follow that, there is no need to punish a child ever. Once you give them respect, you will gain it back. The bond, the relationship you build today with your child can travel a long way to the difficult years of teenage and far beyond.
One thing I know now that Parenting is more about building character, (your own as well as your child’s) than about discipline. And on and on.
All of them would lead to one endpoint – that you have a better chance of raising a wonderful person with just one single change in your own character, attitude, and perception than with any other form of discipline rule.
Are you SERIOUS ?
So, I started looking at my relationship with my daughter. I started checking the patterns of me scolding her, getting mad at her. Slowly, I noticed one major problem that these patterns were like waves. My ups and downs were totally reflecting in her replies or talks to others.
I wanted to CHANGE. I picked few quick parenting tips, applied them. And they did work, almost but soon I almost got back to my traditional being.
Old habits won’t bring new results.
I wanted to make something for the long term, something which is sustainable. Something which could stay.
if you have reached till here that means you really CARE.
As I was thinking too much about it, I decided to break the pattern and started controlling myself. If I was trying a new technique or tip I was practicing it for at least 30 days as “it takes 30 days to make or (break) a habit”. Whatever happens, I have to follow it. Eventually, I should be able to reach where I want to be. Right?
It’s been a while now that I have changed my and my daughter’s behavior and the relationship between us. I still “lose it” but don’t get mad or a crazy parent like earlier.
If you’ve read this far, I’m guessing that at least some part of my story resonates with you.
Yes you are not alone.
These small tips really help. The only thing that matter is how much we want them to help us.
A small change in our own attitude and behavior can help a lot, really. I will be bringing some short videos and more blogs. This will be on various topics related to kids, their health, their concerns, our mental health, our concerns for kids, and much more.
I want to make a community through this blog where everyone can share their views and concerns about parenting.
if you are mother you are an Inspiration and so do the millions of mothers around you.
Great parents are made and not born. Do you all agree?
I am planning to write more on this blog and keep sharing as I want to bring together all the parents from different walks of life. We have one common goal as a parent – To slowly become a better person and raise a successful human being and bring out the best parent hidden within us.
Join Us in the Journey. Share your views about this blog by commenting or writing a mail @ firstname.lastname@example.org
It’s a monumental journey we are on, and you will not regret being a part of this beautiful community!
Father’s Day is when we can reflect on the male role models in our lives and appreciate the lessons learned from their input. Gifts and cards are often given in recognition of the importance of that paternal role.
But these days many homes are single-parent families. Fathers may be seen only occasionally. Step-fathers, grandfathers, uncles, neighbors, teachers can all provide valuable guidance. They teach much about those predominately male traits and characteristics.
If a child’s father, their first significant male role model, falls short it can be tough for a child to process. They may become defensive or shut off emotionally, as a means of protecting themselves from further hurt and disappointment.
may feel compelled to continually strive to do better.
Constantly working harder and harder,
even react against the situation
becoming rebellious and defiant
giving the appearance of not caring, but constantly demanding attention nonetheless.
– As a single mother
it’s important to try to avoid sharing negative views and experiences of your ex. Stop coloring your child’s perspective of their father. It may have been a difficult breakup, leaving you feeling hurt, but those emotions are specific to your relationship with your ex-partner. Your joint children deserve to have the best of both of you and have each parent still in their lives as positive a way as possible.
Far better to encourage children to keep in touch with their father, resulting in a happier outcome for all in the longterm. A single mother may feel aggrieved that he’s in a position where he can bribe and buy the children’s affections with lavish gifts and treats, which they gleefully accept! Why wouldn’t they? But children are more insightful than perhaps we give them credit for. They usually know and appreciate the emotional and financial struggles that their mother has, the effort it takes simply to put food on the table each day.
Keep their relationship alive with their father and even if a more ‘wholesome’ male role model is in their lives, an understanding grandfather, uncle, mentor, accept that a child’s dad occupies a unique position for them.
As a separated father
it’s important not to exacerbate a situation if it’s already fragile or acrimonious. The children are the innocents in this and if they behave badly or play up, accept that it may take time for them to settle and readjust. Try to ensure ongoing liaison with their mother, respect agreed on decisions, keep civil channels of communication open, and do your best to avoid reacting to points of contention.
Let’s reflect on the qualities that are important in a father:
– Physical strength
provides reassurance to children, who value their father as a guardian, protector, someone who’s healthy and physically fit. They feel safe and secure when they know he’s strong enough to stand up for them and the family.
– Moral values
matter. Children expect to see their father do ‘the right thing’, have principles, and be fair. Admiring and respecting their father for his integrity, honesty and guidance teach them about having standards and respect for the law and for others.
– Men are increasingly comfortable about expressing their feelings,
showing how much they love and care for their wife and children. Nowadays it’s more acceptable to talk about issues and problems, to discuss how to cope and manage stress. Being able to hug, show love and affection is important. The days of the strong, silent man are fading. Children need to see and learn from their significant male role model how to discuss, compromise and resolve problems satisfactorily.
– Family values
are learned when they see their father enjoy spending time with them, treating it as a priority, important to him. Children are sensitive to non-verbal cues, sensing disinterest, rejection and mixed messages in a variety of ways. They also notice how he treats their mother and other family members, separated or not. Family values are learned from witnessing relationships at home.
– Respect for others
is another important lesson. How a father treats other road users, staff, in restaurants and shops, how he addresses the people he meets. Is he deferential, submissive, arrogant, assertive, or pleasant? Good manners, consideration, and appropriate communication styles are important in building positive, successful relationships with others.
– Does father have a good work ethic?
Being conscientious, fair, and diligent, enjoying his work choices, doing a good job, and finding satisfaction from his efforts all demonstrate a sense of responsibility. Does he respect and care for money, treat the property well, express gratitude and appreciation for what he has whilst having fun and treats? All traits a child will hopefully witness and learn from a father.
Or Sundays can be a time to reflect on things we’d have done differently too. Fathers are the role models. Many people have memories of less than satisfactory experiences with their father, perhaps witnessing his relationship with work, money, success, areas where they feel he needed to have a better approach. They’ll aim to avoid repeating mistakes that were made with them. After all, we all want to be the best we can be when we come to parent our own children.